If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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