Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
