its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
