I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
