There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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