Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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