@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
