i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
