it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
