we're blogging at a bar
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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