Yo dont text me then not text me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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