Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
