Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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