We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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