I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
