I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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