I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize