bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
