My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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