dude i'm inner monologue high
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
