I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
