I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
