she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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