Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
