my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize