dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
