Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
