I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
