Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
