Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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