so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
