just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
