fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
