..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just want to make out with him forever
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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