Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
