shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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