i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
