Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
