atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
