there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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