There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
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