don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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