You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
