you would pick up someone in the library
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
don't judge my taste in strippers
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
