I feel like abortions should bother me more
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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