he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
