every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
