perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
