the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
