she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
