note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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