Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
