i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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