it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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