i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
50% drunk capacity currently
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
