No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Randomize
