so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
