There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
