with your own penis?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
