my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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