my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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