break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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