I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i just had sex bonerless
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
