if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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