I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
