Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
