she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
