My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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