So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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