i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
