Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
