Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
