Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
